Free Download of Go the F–k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach, Narrated by Samuel L. Jackson (and some venting)

June 15, 2011

Last night, while “flutzing” around I discovered a link to the free audio download of “Go the F—k to Sleep” by Adam Mansbach (website | book website) narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.  This is a short book, much like the good night books you read your kids and the audio lasts about six minutes.

Buy & Save on “Go the F–k to Sleep” through the ManOfLa­Book affil­i­ate account on:
Ama­zon
|Book Depos­i­tory US | Book Depos­i­tory UK

 

My wife and I were laughing the whole way through. If it were up to us Mr. Jackson would receive an Grammy for his reading. In  “Go the F—k to Sleep”. Adam Mansbach basically writes down what every parent thinks but never said (“Bullshit, I know you’re not thirsty”).

While I love reading books to my kids before bed, I despise the whole night time routine. It seems that we move from one fight to the next until they are finally in bed.

Correction, until at least the youngest (4) is finally in bed.  G-d forbid that his older sister, six going on sixteen and wise beyond her years, will go to bed until she has a 30 minute buffer – tired or not.

In my kids’ defense, some of the time they are making fun of their old man. Putting up a fight just to see me scrambling to stay sane. I’m sure one day it will be funny.

I can almost write a nightly script:
Me: you can’t take a bath, it’s too late.
Four: I don’t want a shower.
Me: I told you that if  we play ball we won’t have time to take a bath
Four: Bath!
Me: No!
Four: Baaaaaaaaaaaath!
Me: No – and that’s FINAL!!!!

He finishes with his bath, it’s a bit later but never mind, we still have to go through the agony and anguish of picking suitable pajamas:

Me: Look, here is Buzz and Woody.
Four: I want my Batman pajamas.
Me: They’re dirty, remember you spilled your cereal on them in the morning.
Four: But I want them…
Me: They’re yucky
Four: No they’re not
Me: Yes they are. They’re stinky and you can’t wear them! That’s that and you can cry all you want.

I finish cleaning the Batman pajamas with some wet wipes. We now start the whole tooth brushing exercise, yucky toothpaste and all. At this point I stopped explaining to him why he has to brush his teeth.

Don’t look at me funny – you can’t rationalize with four year olds (or fourteen or 24 and sometimes 44). They just have to do brush their teeth – no options.

Finally, he is nice and tired, pooped out from the nightly exercise in futility.
– Story
– Kiss
– Hug

I’m almost there, I go to turn off the lights, I reach out to the salvation known as the light switch, my finger is already on it. My boy is tired, he is laying down with eyes half shut.
I can hear the popcorn in the pantry just calling my name.

Just then “Miss Thing” walks in:

Daddy, I want a snack”.

Me too…

So tell me, how is your night time routine with kids? Any tips?

Zohar – Man of la Book

 

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9 Comments

  • bookspersonally June 15, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Oh I just laughed out loud! I will def. go listen to Samuel Jackson, but will also suggest a new Man of LaBook spinoff: a daddyblog 😀 !!!

    • zohar June 15, 2011 at 1:21 pm

      A daddyblog?
      And give my kids more ammunition in future years?

      Thanks for the great comment.

  • Grace June 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    They could not have chosen a better narrator. That was excellent!

    I pity my poor parents… I was the oldest of four kids, and they had to go through that with all of us.

    • zohar June 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

      Yes, it’s not like the younger ones learn from the oldest, they all try the same shenanigans.

  • Stephanie June 15, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    great post! great book! 😀 glad to see i’m not alone. actually i’m quite envious of those people who have and stick to their nightime routine!

    • zohar June 15, 2011 at 4:50 pm

      Thanks. You have to stick to a routine, that’s the secret. We also discovered that there is a “window of opportunity” to put them to sleep.
      Say between 19:00 and 19:30 – any time after would take us twice as long because they get their second wind.

  • Ryan June 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Reading posts like this makes me doublly glad I only have one to deal with. I think I would go insane with anymore. I’m definetly goint to have to check this book out.

  • Jill Elizabeth June 15, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Teehee – excellent post indeed! As a soon-to-be stepmom to two kids (11 and 9), I am still highly amused by nighttime routine stuff – because I’m not The Mom. But we plan to have more, so I know full well that one day soon (to quote Stewie on Family Guy), my uppance will come… 😉

  • Michelle @ The True Book Addict June 17, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    I’ve heard this book is hilarious! I feel for you, Zohar. I remember when my boys were that little. Bedtime was such a pain! They’re 8 and 9 now so they’re a little easier, but there are times when it’s a hassle all over again. 🙂

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